This morning my 5 year old had the meltdown of all meltdowns!!! All because of the Wii!!!
It doesn’t matter. I’ve had many meltdowns…too mnay changes are finally catching up with me and my family. I thought that I would be happy with all of the kids in school. I just feel lonely. Time for me to get enrolled in school again!! Or finally cut that cd I’ve always wanted to make!
Ok, off to get some video editing done.
I miss you
xoxo
I take a lot of those.
I didn’t realize how hard it would to let go of my sister. I never want to forget her…but I want it to be easier!! I’m trying to forget all that I’ve lost in the past two years…but when you keep on losing…well, it just stinks.
Tonight my kids were at the dinner table eating spaghetti and just laughing about everything under the sun. I smiled but it made my heart hurt a little. I used to be close with my siblings. We used to act silly at the dinner table too.
Life is short. But in the end we all fly away like the beautiful butterfly my sister was.
Everything Changes – Stained
If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?
Would it change how you feel?
I am the mess you chose
The closet you cannot close
The devil in you i suppose
‘Cause the wounds never heal
But everything changes
If I could
Turn back the years
If you could
Learn to forgive me
Then I could learn to feel
Sometimes the things I say
In moments of disarray
Succumbing to the games we play
To make sure that it’s real
But everything changes
If I could
Turn back the years
If you could
Learn to forgive me
Then I could learn to feel
When it’s just me and you
Who knows what we could do
If we can just make it through
The toughest part of the day
But everything changes
If I could
Turn back the years
If you could
Learn to forgive me
Then I could
Learn how to feel
Then we could
Stay here together
And we could
Conquer the world
If we could
Say that forever
Is more than just a word
If you just walked away
What could I really say?
And would it matter anyway?
It wouldn’t change how you feel
…my Grandpa, a nephew, a dog, a sister, a turtle, my ability to choose. I’m stuck. I’m keeping my chin up though. I’m tired of crying and feeling sorry for myself. I will survive and I’ll be better for it. Watch out…here I come!! With a vengence!!!! 
During our trip to Indiana I received the most horrific news of my life. What started out as a fun trip turned into a road trip to Missouri to bury my baby sister. I’d rather not discuss the details, but due to a hard life full of disappointments, divorce, wrong choices and drugs my sister ended up on life support. When I got to the hospital I wasn’t prepared to see her lifeless body hooked up to the machines that were breathing for her. I just wanted her to sit up and grab me in a hug like she used to and tell me about her kids. I wanted to talk about the old days when we would get into trouble. We watched out for each other. We were partners in crime. Sadly we drifted apart as adults. I moved away and she began her downward spiral into darkness. I’ve cried myself sick this past week, beating myself up for not being a better big sister to her. For not grabbing her and protecting her like I used to. Although the memorial service was beautiful it was not the way I wanted to see her. If I had known the last time I hugged her was going to be the last…I would have hugged her longer. The only comfort I have now is in knowing that she can finally rest. No more drugs. No more pain. No more desperation.
R.I.P Squeaker!!!!! You were so beautiful and so loved!!!!!!!!
Today marks the beginning of a new life for me and my family. We are getting ready for yet another move across the country. As a family we all agreed that it was time to let our pomchi puppy (well she’s 4 years old…28 in doggy years) move on to a new family. It was very hard to say goodbye to her. We had a love/hate relationship. She liked to bark. She hated strangers. She shed like crazy!!!!! But she’ll always be my baby. She was there for me when I was grumpy. She was there for me when I was sad. She loved me regardless of my appearance or if I said mean things. I can’t say that about anyone else I know. Just know that i loved you so very much Kaci and moving on without you is going to be very hard for me.
Yep. I’m watching it…sorta. I never really understood why watching cars go round and round in circles was “fun”, but it’s not really all that bad. I was in Indy last week. It was beautiful. We are going back next week.
Today is my lazy day. I’m drinking an iced latte, watching the race (Danica Patrick just moved into 5th!!) and trying to find something interesting to knit. I’ve finally figured out my problem with knitting. I hate my size. It makes knitting so much….loooooonger and slower. I guess for someone with little patience (me), it’s odd that I love knitting. It’s really not an instant gratification type of craft. But I’m addicted.
Get ready to clap…6lbs down!!!! Whoo hoo! Ok, maybe not such a big deal to you, but it’s a triumph for me! Ever since my husband got laid off in December I have gained 20lbs! I KNOW!! It’s really bad. So I have cut out all carbs and all sugar and I’m working my butt off. I thought maybe I would share a few of my favorite work at home exercises with ya. (ok, I’m not sure who I’m talking to. I’m almost certain no one reads this blog. But I’ll pretend there is someone who reads this!)
I love the Walk at Home videos! I just pop one in my dvd and get going. I really work up a sweat and it’s very convenient when I want to vary up my cardio (in other words get off of the treadmill)
I’m obsessed with pilates!!! I do Windsor Pilates and I also have the Malibu Pilates machine that I adore!!!! I try to get in pilates at least once a day. I do my pilates 100′s EVERYday!!
Now on to my new favorite cardio…the spinning bike. Needless to say, my bottom is a little sore after yesterday’s 9 miles, but I love spinning. I found this great site that has a ton of playlists for your ipod. I just upload a workout to my player and hop on and spin my worries away. It’s a great way to get cardio in!
So now that I’ve bored you to death on exercise, I’m going to let you go and look for something more interesting. I’m going to have lunch (breakfast quesedilla from Smart Ones), watch Snapped (hehe) and knit!
I’m a little tired today. I was up until 3am knitting (which is turning into a distaster), watching TV…anything to try and get my wide awake eyes to feel tired. I finally decided to just go to bed. But of course bed is my enemy. That’s the place where lay in the dark (and really hot) room and try to keep my mind from reliving the really bad parts of my life. Oh, and let’s not mention my ever constent battle with losing weight!!!! I starved myself yesterday. I ate tuna (plain) and tons of veggies, water, water and more water…..nothing but bloating. But still, I won’t give up. I’m desperate to lose weight and I will do anything to get there!!! So it’s more pilates and cardio, more diet tea and more water.
In an effort to make this blog more positive…I finally found the perfect afgan to knit. It’s in the latest K.1 mag. I’ll post some pics later but right now it’s pilates time!!
